Many parents consider relocating abroad for their children’s future. However, deciding to leave behind their careers and all existing relationships is not an easy decision.

Sending children to study abroad early in countries with developed education systems is a trend among many parents today. However, parents do not want their children to leave their care too early, fearing that they will feel lost and isolated in a foreign land. Therefore, many parents consider relocating abroad for their children’s future. However, deciding to leave behind their careers and all existing relationships is not an easy decision.

A conversation with educators who have experience with the “stay or go” dilemma, connected by Associate Professor – Doctor Hoang Thi Hong Ha, hopes to provide readers with a thorough perspective, helping them make reasonable decisions. The roundtable discussion on the topic Should parents move abroad for their children’s future? includes: Mr. Tran Si Chuong, an expert in economics and business consulting; Mrs. Ngo Trang, CEO of Global Art & Creative Art Center; Mrs. Trang Jena Nguyen, founder of Survival Skills Vietnam SSVN and TA Coaching, and Mr. Tran Duc Canh, a member of the Vietnam National Education and Human Resource Development Council, who has participated in various education and training programs in the U.S.

Scene of the discussion. Photo: Phung Huy

The grass is not always greener on the other side

Associate Professor – Doctor Hoang Thi Hong Ha: “A young mother decided to give up her role as a small business owner in her hometown. She sold her house, her shop… to buy a marriage with a poor American citizen. After two years of struggling, she managed to bring her children to the U.S. In a state with cold winters at 17°F, every morning, she takes pictures of the snow-covered yard. Her friends in Vietnam are amazed, envious, and full of praise. She smiles and then steps out of the tiny rented room, reminding her children to wear extra warm clothes. She puts on gloves and struggles to shovel snow. Tears often fall, and before she can feel warmth, the cold bites even more. Her hands are numb, sore, and tired as she drives her children to school with still unfamiliar, cautious, and hesitant driving skills. She always fears the unexpected. In a foreign land, she does not allow any mishaps to visit her.

After taking care of her children, she continues to put on gloves and clean the house, taking care of the elderly who speak the same language as her, with wages that would be ten times higher if she had citizenship and qualifications. She gradually becomes quieter on social media, and people seem to forget about her in a hurry… In the past, boat people threw themselves onto unstable boats in rough seas, risking their lives to find a new land. Today, in peacetime, thousands board planes, peacefully and quietly landing in the U.S. to start a life full of inner turmoil. Leaving everything behind in their homeland to seek refuge from thousands of individual issues.
Some find a peaceful land when they choose a life of migration. Others still struggle, telling themselves that no matter what, it’s better than this or that at home, to comfort themselves. In the past, boat people left, preferring death. Today, people board planes with the worst-case scenario being hardship. People continue to leave to change their passports. They leave to change the future of the generation they brought into this world on their native soil…”
                                                                                                           

This is the story of a mother shared on Facebook, and it inspired our meeting today. It seems that the decision to leave for the future of one’s children is becoming increasingly common in the face of educational crises, environmental pollution, and the never-ending problem of contaminated food?

– Mrs. Trang Jena Nguyen: Yes, many of my friends have decided to go. Some have been sponsored by relatives, some have gone through foreign investment channels, and others have found ways to move abroad with their children. They decided to go so their children could have a better educational environment, access to clean food, and breathe fresher air.
However, I believe that the quality of life for the whole family is very important. My husband’s family is in Switzerland, so I have the opportunity to meet many Vietnamese families there, and quite a few of them face difficulties, unable to integrate either linguistically or culturally, despite having very good financial conditions. One mother had to leave her children with her husband in Switzerland to return to Vietnam for treatment for depression…
– Mr. Tran Si Chuong: Regarding the decision to stay or go, there is no one correct answer for everyone. The information shared in this conversation is based on our experiences and subjective thoughts. The decision to stay or go is ultimately a personal decision for each individual or family, depending on their unique circumstances. In my opinion, most people decide to go because they are attracted by the glamorous image of another country, like the U.S., for example. They visit the U.S. for a few days and see a civilized, modern country. Not to mention, consulting companies often paint a dream life in the U.S. But in reality, life is not as perfect as when you only see the surface. For example, you might know that in the U.S., people’s health is protected by social security, but it can be very difficult for a patient to schedule an appointment with a doctor, not as easy as in Vietnam. And that’s not to mention other social issues that you only learn about once you’re living there, which is not all rosy.
– Mr. Tran Duc Canh: I think the decision to go is also influenced by economic and social conditions. In the past, like in my time, life in the country was too difficult, and we had only one thought: to leave and change our lives. But now, most families who want to move abroad with their children are relatively well-off, so they plan more carefully. Moreover, as incomes improve and living standards rise, it’s understandable that parents want their children to have better education and brighter futures. We need to listen to those who have lived abroad for 3-5 years and see if they still want to return.

Associate Professor – Doctor Hoang Thi Hong Ha: It is known that all four experts today have many years of experience advising those who are relocating abroad, especially Mr. Tran Duc Canh. Can you all share more about this?

– Mr. Tran Duc Canh: The common psychology is that in the initial stage (about 3 to 12 months) of living abroad, people are quite excited because everything around them is new and interesting. After that period, their mood begins to decline as they start to face the reality of the new environment, work, family finances, relationships with family and friends… This is the phase of real-life experience. After 3 years or more, they will begin to stabilize their lives, though difficulties still exist, they start to accept and adapt.
The number of people who want to return to Vietnam is not many, I think it is less than 30%. Meanwhile, children adapt to life and integrate into the new society more quickly and naturally. The older a person is, the harder it is to integrate. However, the ease of integration also depends on factors such as education level, experience, language proficiency, cultural access, age, and family connections…
– Mrs. Ngo Trang: Sometimes, parents decide to stay not because they have adapted, but because they don’t want to face the failure of returning home. On the other hand, they decide to go because of their children, so they endure all the hardships to stay close to their children, ensuring their children can study with peace of mind.

– Mr. Tran Si Chuong: That’s right, a familiar family culture in Vietnam is that parents sacrifice everything for their children. Moreover, many Vietnamese people feel insecure about their origins. Because they harbor such insecurities, they don’t see that Vietnam now has a good living environment.
– Mr. Tran Duc Canh: I observe that the situation in our country is quite similar to the situation in Taiwan, South Korea, and Hong Kong in the 80s and 90s. Parents also had a strong desire for their children to study abroad, just like we do now. At that time, I had the opportunity to work at Phillips Academy, one of the top boarding schools in the U.S., attracting many students from Asia… In the past, communication tools between students and their families were not as rich and convenient as they are now, so young students and their families had to work very hard, with some cases of depression requiring them to return home. Therefore, psychological preparation is very important for cases where children are sent to study abroad early.

Associate Professor – Doctor Hoang Thi Hong Ha: Studying abroad early is currently a trend in Vietnam. Parents are advised to send their children to study abroad early for various reasons, such as better language skills, easier adaptation to life, and better adjustment to the learning environment. But you think this is not advisable. Can you explain why?

– Mr. Tran Si Chuong: I consider myself lucky to have studied abroad after the age of 18. By that age, I was aware of my identity as a Vietnamese, and that is something to be proud of. Moreover, during my high school years, I created many beautiful memories with my family and friends. The family bond was also formed during these years. It’s impossible for parents to bring this “bond” abroad. In a foreign country, even if parents want to care for and protect their children, they can’t. This is because both the educational and living environments emphasize independence and individual freedom. If parents try to keep their children under control, it only adds pressure on the children.

– Mrs. Ngo Trang: That’s right. Parents who go with their children want to ensure they are not overwhelmed in the foreign environment, but excessive concern and worry can have the opposite effect, making their children feel pressured and lose confidence. Not to mention the expectations parents place on their children, making them feel more burdened than when they were studying in Vietnam.
– Mr. Tran Duc Canh: As a common psychological phenomenon, Vietnamese parents tend to create conditions for their children to fulfill their dreams. Parents who were poor in the past want their children to make a lot of money. Parents who were not well-educated want their children to have high degrees and status… Parents think that this is loving their children and wanting them to have good things, but if not thought through, these desires can only create more pressure and burden on the children. In the end, the parents’ desires are imposed on the children, not their own choices.
– Mr. Tran Si Chuong: Children need emotional support and motivation, not pressure. Parents are the best emotional support, as well as the ones who encourage and motivate their children, not add more pressure, especially for young children.

Finding a job abroad is not easy

Associate Professor – Doctor Hoang Thi Hong Ha: Both of you believe that sending children to study abroad too early is not advisable. So at what age is it appropriate for children to study abroad?

– Mr. Tran Duc Canh: I do not encourage sending children to study abroad before the age of 14. If parents want to send their children to study abroad early, they need to prepare many things for them from the beginning of middle school, most importantly life skills, independence, and, above all, psychological preparation for both the student and the family.
– Mr. Tran Si Chuong: In my opinion, the best age is after 18, and even then, students can study at university in their home country and go abroad for postgraduate programs. Because universities in Vietnam are also improving.

– Mrs. Ngo Trang: In fact, I believe parents should not place too much emphasis on accompanying their children when studying abroad. I have a close friend who is a successful entrepreneur, and her husband represents a large corporation in Vietnam. This couple has more than enough means to send their children to study abroad and for the whole family to relocate to the U.S. But she said: “I studied in Vietnam and am now successful, living a comfortable life as I wished. So why force my children to study abroad? A person with the ability to succeed can do so anywhere.”
Of course, I am not opposed to sending children to study abroad. I just want parents to carefully consider this decision, not blindly follow a trend. I work in education, so I have researched the educational programs in Vietnam. There are now many good programs for students at all levels, including those that are franchised from abroad.

Associate Professor – Doctor Hoang Thi Hong Ha: Clearly, parents do not highly value domestic education and training, so they want their children to study abroad to enjoy an advanced education. As someone who has many years of experience advising on education, training, and human resource development programs in Vietnam, how do you evaluate Vietnamese education in general, Mr. Tran Duc Canh?

– Mr. Tran Duc Canh: In my opinion, the quality of secondary education programs in our country is quite good, closely aligned with U.S. programs. What is lacking is that students have not been supplemented with soft skills, self-reliance, creativity… The area of physical education also needs more attention, rather than just focusing on academics. The top schools abroad want to admit students who are well-rounded: academically, with soft skills, and physically. Academic grades are only one part of the success equation. I think parents understand this better than anyone.
– Mr. Tran Si Chuong: However, for a child to succeed abroad, they must be dynamic, confident, and have strong English proficiency. If your child is shy and hesitant to communicate, I fear that going abroad will only add pressure and difficulty for them. Even if they graduate from university, their job prospects may not be as promising as parents hope.

Associate Professor – Doctor Hoang Thi Hong Ha: Parents are also very concerned about the possibility of staying and working abroad after studying. Can you share more about this picture? 

– Mr. Tran Si Chuong: Obtaining a university degree in the U.S. is not too difficult if you have the financial means. Some students who are not particularly good can take 7-8 years to graduate, but they can still get a degree. However, the value of degrees from top schools is not the same as those from other schools.
– Mr. Tran Duc Canh: Getting a degree is easy, but meeting the expectation of staying in the U.S. requires a lot of effort. If you study at top schools, companies may “hunt” you while you are still in school. But with a degree from average schools, the opportunity to stay and work also requires some luck.
One long-standing program that allows you to stay and work in the U.S. is F1B. This program accepts a bachelor’s degree or higher with two years of experience, usually prioritizing STEM, medicine, nursing fields, while students from other fields may find it very challenging to find job opportunities.
In my opinion, the ideal situation is for international students to have the opportunity to work abroad for a while to gain experience and return to their home country when conditions allow. China and other countries in the region have effectively utilized their international students and expatriate resources to develop their economy and society over the past 3-4 decades. However, if we compare, our country is currently only at the starting point.
Associate Professor – Doctor Hoang Thi Hong Ha: Thank you for sharing your insights.

Source: https://www.phunuonline.com.vn/thoi-su/cha-me-dinh-cu-nuoc-ngoai-vi-tuong-lai-cua-con-nen-hay-khong-dung-di-vi-su-mac-cam-cua-chinh-minh-152997/?fbclid=IwAR3JUvqhY60A7-DdET5qr3wOG_ZTwfrmb9X3eTCLqAFav3bR1Gdh8y5h5Wo

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